There’s a lot of grief around us at the moment. And with grief comes silence. Because the moment demands it. Because the moment has knocked the wind out of us. Because we can’t breathe let alone cry out. Because we can’t sew the words together yet. When you feel the urge to fill the silence, ask yourself what about the silence unsettles you. Ask yourself what space the silence suspends and offers.
Ask yourself if your offering is driven by heartfelt empathy or by your own ego needing to feel like you showed or left something in the void. Some amongst us claim to come in peace, read the Bible and walk in faith but your actions and words don’t align. Instead of words, actually act. Intercede and pray for others earnestly (actually try it, because most of us aren’t OK with God while the hurting is real).
Say you don’t know what the other person is feeling or going through. If you aren’t in rush to block their sadness, ask them to describe where it might hurt. Don’t compare circumstances of grief or downplay pain or ask people to find gratitude in their grief (are you mad? who raised you!) and definitely don’t tell people that their grief was intended for them, to prove how strong they are and how present God is in their life.
I know you’re trying to be encouraging; but you are the reason people often don’t come back to any spirituality or God after they undergo a traumatic event. Honestly, I’ll take a distant God who does nothing than a God with a front row seat to my suffering.
Sh!t happens to good, generous, loving people who have done absolutely nothing to deserve or to be refined by any kind of pain. Don’t also be the opposite of what people need in their silence. Cold, disengaged and distant like we didn’t laugh together last month and share memes not so long ago. If the answer to the text you send is “I’m not OK”, hold space for that feeling and response, send carbs, peel potatoes or check in again in a few days because days are also not the same. Don’t be the reason people never speak of their pain, rise and move with their grief again.
Don’t get so stuck in Job 2:11 – 12 that you don’t get to Job 2:13. Let’s not mess up the assignment. TGIM.